The bra

Today I went bra shopping with my little girl.  It was for me, but I thought that since she is half me, she might end up as me, and therefore she should know how to properly size her bra.  Every woman, should at some point in her life, be properly sized.  Trust me, you most likely are not.

You can walk to any store and I can point out at least one person who is not properly supported.  And to some extent it isn't always her fault.  A good bra will cost you.  But a good bra is sooooo worth it.

Side note:  I can also always pick out a tupe.  How do you ask?  I used to work for Hairclub for Men.  It's one of my sad little past experiences that now helps bring humor to my day when I spot one.

Back on track.  I am a little busty.  No I will not tell you my size, because you wouldn't believe me, and it's not a size of enjoyment.  

If you think being busty must be fun, try buying a dress that fits you properly at your bust and your waist at the same time.  That is why God made my alterations lady.  When I go shopping, I look at that price tag, and I add $$ to it to cover alterations.  This is why I love t-shirts.

And lets not forget the divots.  That's the groove in your shoulder from your bra strap that looks ugly and feels bad from the weight of your tata's.   Of course if you buy your boobs at 30, you're less likely to get the divots I would think.  I mean, I'm 40, developed at 11 or 12, so I have carried these babies for almost 30 years already.  You're just starting out.  And does silicone weight as much as real boobs.  Maybe there's a bit of helium in them and that's why they look like they're placed so far up.

It saddens me to see a lady who is not properly supported.  You just want to walk over and push them up and say, here, here is where they are supposed to be, not down there, you silly goose.  But I guess that could get you arrested.

Really they do not belong below your elbows.  No they don't!  They even have a term for this...yes it's your projection point.  And what is your projection point?  Yes, I had to ask.  It is where your breasts point (or not).  This should be in the middle between your shoulder and your elbow.  For some this is not so easy.  If you are small, and your projection point is perfect...SHUT UP!

On my hunt today I needed a strapless bra, for some dresses I bought.  I bought them because they are cute.  I normally would not buy anything I couldn't wear a normal bra under, because I don't want my "projection point" to be off.

So after the lady brings me my bra, I put it on.  This is a little difficult since my surgery, but my daughter came to the rescue.  We are very close and she is a doll.  Some girls might be embarrassed, but not my girl.  I think she's keeping score somewhere and there will be payback for this.

End result...good per the fitting lady, but I asked if there was a way to put them "up here".  I'm showing her while holding my boobs up to show where I would like them to be.  She just stared at me.  I even think she wanted to shake her head in despair, but probably thought better of it, didn't want to lose the sale.  I could have sworn I heard a little gasp and OMG from the little girl behind me too...

I come to find out that strapless bras will hold you in place, not push you up.  This is why they invented plastic surgeons.  Good thing I have one of those!

I bought the bra, because I needed it, and I'm not droopy in it, just not pointing as far north as I would have preferred.

I told my daughter I was seriously considering a breast reduction for next year.  She told me to shut up!  I guess saying such things in public is faux pa...either that or she is tired of being my nurse-maid since my tummy tuck.  Maybe in a couple of months and some serious mother-daughter shopping excursions she will forget and think a boob job would be just what momma needs!

Dressing for the occasion

OK, so me and my family go to the mall yesterday and maybe I'm old, but what happened to people dressing for the occasion?

Just on the drive to the mall we notice a couple of guys outside an apartment complex and their shorts aren't droopy, they are below their butts.  Is it necessary?  Do they think this is sexy?  Do any girls think this is sexy?

At the mall I notice two young men hanging over the railing looking down, again shorts hanging below their butts.   I ask my husband "what is wrong here?  I mean if a woman walks around in her bra security would be there escorting her out (at least I can hope).   My daughter tells me "you're gonna get beat up".

Really?  Because we all know these baggy clothes wearing boys have such thin skin that a woman walking by cannot be overheard speaking her opinion.  Please.  It isn't as if I was intentionally trying to be heard or rude, I was only stating my opinion to my husband.  Maybe you don't have thin skin you have low self esteem and your ego can't handle it.  Well, get over yourself.

But it isn't just the men.  Oh yes, the ladies offend too.  Shirts so tight, and low cut...I don't know how they breath.  They look uncomfortable.  Shorts are so short that heaven forbid if they sit down.  Are men really attracted to this?  And the sad part, and this truly makes me shake my head, these women, not all, but certainly some, are fat.  Yes, OMG I said FAT.  Don't get me wrong.  I didn't say fat was ugly, some really beautiful women are large women.

I remember the day, long long ago, when my grandmother was taking me "to town".  Not only did she change from her around-the-house clothes to slacks and jacket, I was expected to dress to.  Not wearing a dress or slacks, but jeans should be worn nice and neat and shirts should be nice without stains or holes.

Don't tell me about trends, it's about class.  It's about respect.  It's about you respecting yourself.  I don't always dress up to go to the mall.  Not at all, but I don't hang out all over and when I put on my flip-flops, I fear Stacy and Clinton will tackle me and take them away.

You don't have to dress in expensive clothes or trendy clothes, just please cover up.  Underwear is underwear to wear under.  Get it?

I want to know where the hell Stacy and Clinton are?  They should walk the malls of America and give advice.

Diary of a tummy tuck

Now, it isn't like I did this spur of the moment, or that I didn't have a good reason to get it done.  It took me four years to go from "let's just go for a consultation" to "ok, let's get 'er done".  And my reason, I had an apron.  What's an apron...well it's when you have lax abdominal skin, resulting in bulging, due to abnormal stretching of the muscle and skin, in my case, from multiple pregnancies.  So basically, it's Bobby's fault.

Not everyone noticed this, some of my friends told me they didn't think I needed it done, but you see, you can hide this bulge (to some extent), but really, it is uncomfortable.  In the summer time you get this rash when the skin laps over itself, it is painful and it really messes with your self-confidence.

So now that you know a little about it and why I did it, here goes...

Pre-op appointment.  

For me, not much happened here, they weigh you, measure you, take pictures you hope will not ever make it to the internet and give you your prescriptions (yeah).  I noticed one of these scripts was for valium.  I get to take two before I go in for the surgery but I was also supposed to take one the day before, so I could sleep.

Thursday - Surgery day.  

My doctor is a genius!  Without that valium I would not have slept at all.  Then taking the two before I got there, great idea!  I didn't care at all by the time I arrived.  They take me back and I know I don't think I arrived naked, but I really can't remember how I got naked.  Good valiums...

Just like in the movies, they stand you up and mark you all over with what I can only hope is not permanent markers.  This is a little embarrassing cause everything is just hanging there.  Did I mention both my plastic surgeon and his fellow are cute?  So embarrassing.  But then I have valium and i'm feeling good.

The nurse gives me a little stick to numb me before she puts in the iv.  How awesome is that!  And that's all I remember until i'm in a wheelchair, in an elevator on my way to my suite.  Yes, suite.  It was nice.  We arrive and they make me stand so the two nurses can put me to bed and all I remember sayings is "PAIN PAIN PAIN".  They were so nice, telling me they knew and it would be over soon.  Then plop me on my bed and hurry to give me pills.  Love those pills.  I eat some ice chips and go nite nite.

Friday - day one/going home.

Oh this is the good one.  Time to go home.  I'm really scared.  I mean, I have to move.  They want me to shower, and even though I'm still on pain meds, I'm really nervous.  They take the catheter out, which makes me think they now want me up to go to the bathroom too.  Damn, i was hoping to just lay around.  Oh well.

They give me this girdle to put on.  Not just any girdle.  This is a super strong, suck you in girdle that goes from my knees to my boobs.  This think is not made for the short people.  They tell me to keep it on at all times, it has a hole in it so you can go to the bathroom.  If I wasn't pale and sweating before, I sure as hell was now.  How big is this hole?  Will I soil this thing every time?  Who invented this thing?  OMG!!!  

Bobby helps me shower and we proceed to try to put on the girdle.  If i had a knife it would have been a bobbit moment.  Oy vey!

The first one doesn't fit, my body is swollen, in pain and on fire.  They give me a larger one and I'm still kind of making some noise (screaming) when Bobby is helping me put it on.  It's exhausting.  He's a champ.  And I didn't hit him once.

Bobby proceeds to tell me I'm bruised from my boobs to my knees.  Lovely sight.  That's ok, bashful went out the window a very very long time ago.

They wheel me to the car, at this point I'm either having hot flashes or something...I get in the car, Bobby drives me home, with a few stops along the way since I'm throwing up.

I go to bed, try to eat some crackers, drink lots of water, give up, take some pain pills, and decide it's a good time for a long nap.

Saturday - day two

I'm noticing something is wrong with my throat.  I'm hungry but something is stuck up in throat.  Nope, my uvula is swollen.  I look this up on the internet and it says this can happen from drinking a lot, smoking and screaming.  I wish.  Anesthesiologist said it happened from the breathing tube when they flipped me over to lipo the back.  Flip me over, really?  I didn't need to know that.

So now I'm drinking more water, eating popsicles and trying to eat protein so I can continue on the meds without getting sick.  It's almost like being pregnant.  I was craving everything, watermelon, strawberries, subway, soup...you name it Bobby got it.  He is awesome.  

I'm still not getting out of bed except to go to the bathroom.  Thank you bathroom hole, I wouldn't have made it without you.  And no, didn't soil it, that hole is huge.

I move into Molly's room so I can watch tv.  I have no tv or cable in my room, so Molly graciously gives me hers.  She also steps up to the plate and helps me with EVERYTHING.  I text and she comes bringing whatever I need or want.  She is truly supergirl.  So blessed with my girl.

Sunday &  Monday - day three and four

the next few days are all about the same.  Getting a little better each day. Taking ibuprofen instead of narcotics.  Staying in bed, wondering if I made a mistake, taking more meds...getting bored.  I get so bored that if it wasn't. for facebook i would have gone insane.  Even sent Mark Zuckerberger a message telling him so.  I know, I was bored.  

Tuesday - day five

I'm feeling good.  I'm getting up, walking around doing my thing.  And then...not so much.  I lasted about an hour and I'm back in bed.  Now worried because Bobby is going to work tomorrow and I'm on my own.  Hoping this will all be worth it one day.

Wednesday - day six

Amazing, I'm up, I'm in the living room all day.  I make lunch, my uvula is no longer swollen.  Things are looking up.  Matthew comes over to do laundry, we watch a movie, Maverick has his three buddies over and Molly has her friend over.  Not too bad.

Thursday - day seven, one week check up

Oh boy, I have to drive myself, this makes me sweat.  But it's all well.  The hardest part is getting from one position to the other.  The nurse tells me the bandages are coming off today and I can start straightening up, as much as I can stand/want.  Great!  Bandages comes off, OUCH, but she said my sutures looks great.  My tubes must stay in because I'm still draining a little too much.  It's ok, I don't mind.  Oh who am I kidding, these things are nasty, and I want them out out out.

Nurse also tells me she had a boob job the day I had my surgery.  I'm thinking "And you're back to work already???"  Seems boob jobs only take a few days to recover.  Eh, no, seems plastic surgery isn't addictive like tattoos.  Well, ask me next year.  LOL

The doctor comes in and says all looks good, my new belly button looks cute and I can get into spanks and get out of the medieval girdle.  This makes me happy.  Now I just have to keep track of the drainage and let them know when it gets to the levels needed to have the tubes removed.  And by that I mean Bobby is doing this because I have yet to drain them, it makes me pass out.  Really it does.  Nasty little things.

So that is it.  It's been a week.  I'm doing much better, and only getting better.  Now looking forward to what next month will look like.

A few things made my life easier, which I suggest you get if you're thinking of having this done.  1) Shower seat.  Thank you mom-in-law.  This was a lifesaver for not slipping falling or passing out. 2) Walker.  Thank you again mom-in-law.  This made is so much easier for me to move around.

Now, not everyone will need this but I have a bad back and walking hunched over puts my back in spasms so these two things made this experience that much more bearable.

I am so grateful for my wonderful husband, that without him this would have been impossible.  He has been waiting on me hand and foot giving me everything I asked for (as usual) and bringing me food and water etc.  I love him so very much.  And also Molly, she has been helping out a lot.  A lot.  Love you!